Archive for February 8, 2013

Juan bobo

Juan Bobo Throws the    

Mother of All Parties

After 621 innings the Criollos de Caguas finally beat the Barones de Barceloneta, to win the longest game in baseball history.  As manager of the Criollos, Juan Bobo went one step further: he organized what, to this day, is the most famous party in Puerto Rican history.
The word went out immediately and preparations lasted for three days. Old Man Oye dusted his phonograph and picked out his loudest records. Mama Chema baked a tub of beans.  Pots of pork fried rice, basins of steaming shrimp, buckets of cuchifritos kept streaming into Juan’s house. Perníl Rivera, the owner of El Pollo Diablo, killed ten of his largest chickens.

One of the ten chickens

And then the wine came, gallons and gallons of it. Juan filled the washing machine with coquito. Don Q found a barrel of sugarcane rum, Choco found twenty cases of Corona, and a Budweiser truck delivered eight ice-cold kegs.
The party became so famous, that Juan Bobo even held a press conference over it.

Juan Bobo PartyJuan Bobo announces his party

The party lasted till Saturday, Sunday or Monday – no one is really sure – but what happened there was reported in the San Juan Star, and became a legend throughout Puerto Rico.
Within two hours the party passed into legend. No one could ever give a better one. Such a thing would be unthinkable. Never in the history of Puerto Rico had there been so many fights.
Juan Bobo tried to stop it, but no one would listen. They just wanted to fight.

Juan bobo2“No mas!” said Juan Bobo

The Barónes grabbed Choco by the throat and demanded their money back. Pitrós heaved three Barónes through the front window. Perico sold bad drugs in the bathroom and they stuffed his head in a toilet. El Sapo flew out the front door. Wilson bit their pitcher’s ear. Flaco lost a tooth. No self-respecting man came out of that night without some glorious cuts and bruises.

The women could not stop laughing. Oh, the laughter of the women!  Thin and delicate and sweet as spun glass, as they kicked whichever man happened to be down. A few ladylike shrieks of protest also fluttered down from the upstairs rooms. 
But the party took a wrong turn, when the sheriff shot and killed Adam Clayton Powell VI.

The Chronicles of Juan Bobo