Archive for March, 2013

Juan bobo

Juan Bobo Scientology

(Bobo Frees the Slaves)

WEST POINT, NY – Juan Bobo has recently emerged as a key figure in American history. Thanks to Bobo, the slaves went free.

As you know, Juan Bobo is a Scientology master of MEST (matter, energy, space and time). This allowed him to appear in a cloud to the West Point cadets during a training exercise on July 4, 1858.

He “spot checked” them for battle readiness.

Scientology Bobo

The cadets were escorting women during the entire exercise. They didn’t even fire their cannons.

243 cadets were expelled from West Point on that day of July 4, 1858. But the ones that stayed became alert military officers.

Thanks to Juan Bobo and his Scientology MEST powers, the North won the war and the slaves went free. 

The Chronicles of Juan Bobo

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Juan Bobo History Lesson:

 Sabado Gigante

Sabado Gigante is the longest-running TV show in world history. This year it celebrated its 50th anniversary – the same show, same format, same host.

The host is Don Francisco. His real name is Mario Kreutzberger Blumenfeld, born and raised in Chile.

Every week, Sabado Gigante reaches an audience of over 100 million people, in over 30 countries around the world. NO OTHER SHOW has ever matched these numbers, and Sabado Gigante does it every week.

The show is a surrealistic blend of soap opera, talk show, beauty contest, Divorce Court, vaudeville, Queen for a Day, and every game show you ever saw. This format is unique – it is so hallucinogenic, that no one has been able to copy it.

In its original home in Chile, Sabado Gigante survived a Socialist takeover, an economic depression, and a CIA-engineered military coup. The show now airs out of Miami.

Though not exclusively Puerto Rican, Sabado Gigante is living proof of the great international Latino audience. For a quick look at Jennifer Lopez, Shakira, Ricky Martin, and a dozen other celebrities before they became international stars, watch this commemorative video of Sabado Gigante

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Juan Bobo Battles the     

Deepwater Horizon

GULF OF MEXICO  –  The Deepwater Horizon oil spill – also called the BP Oil Spill, the Gulf of Mexico oil spill, or the Macondo blowout – is a massive oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. It is now considered the largest offshore spill in U.S. history.

The spill stems from a sea floor oil gusher that started on April 20, 2010.

As part of his campaign for U.S. Congress, Juan Bobo is in the Gulf Of Mexico. He is fighting to resolve this great environmental crisis.

A satellite photo shows Bobo stopping the spread of the Deepwater oil slick.   

Juan Bobo Oil SlickJuan Bobo stops the oil slick

His opponents claim this is a maritime publicity stunt. These are the same people that accused another great Puerto Rican of a maritime publicity stunt.

They should all be ashamed of themselves.

Moishe Rodriguez parts the Red Sea

Vote for Bobo. He is the real deal.

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Juan Bobo History Lesson:

Myrta Silva

Myrta Silva had a 40-year reign as “the Queen of the Guaracha.” She was the premier female singer in Puerto Rico and New York.

Myrta sang and composed dozens of chart-topping hits. She headlined with many bands in Puerto Rico, Cuba and the United States; and hosted musical variety TV shows in both Puerto Rico and New York.

They called her La Gorda de Oro (the Fat Lady Made of Gold). She was a talented musical comedienne… 

She was a great Latin singer…

Myrta Silva, a true Puerto Rican original.

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Juan Bobo Income Tax Tip

April 15th is around the corner.

Juan Bobo has reviewed all the facts.

Forget about saving your receipts, deducting your dog, or using a fake business with a web site as a tax dodge.

After studying the 2013 Federal budget…our multi-trillion dollar deficit…the chaos in our educational system…the hustlers in film and publishing…the liars in Washington and Wall Street…the death of our economy…the absence of jobs…the lack of public trust in any of our institutions…Juan Bobo advises you to save every penny…and tell the IRS to go to hell because…

Time Bobo

 

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Juan Bobo: The Don Q Candidate

WASHINGTON HEIGHTS, NY – Juan Bobo’s campaign was going great. He was all set to become the next congressman from Washington Heights. And then the accusations began.

“He’s a bootlegger!” screamed his opponent Charlie Rangel. “He’s buying votes with his rum! As proof, Rangel whipped a label out of his pocket, with Bobo’s photo on it:

Don Q Bobo

This all came as a shock to Juan Bobo, who denies any association with Don Q, and has not had a drink in 16 years.

“Somebody’s doing something slick,” said Bobo, as his bus rolled down Amsterdam Avenue.

“We must be winning, or else they wouldn’t be lying.”

Juan Bobo Bus

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Juan Bobo History Lesson:

The Fania Record Label

For 20 years, from 1964 to 1984, Fania Records was the hottest incubator of Latin music in the world. If Salsa was the message, Fania was the post office that delivered it.

Celia Cruz, Yomo Toro, Hector Lavoe, Larry Harlow, the Palmieri Brothers, Ray Baretto, Joe Bataan, Ruben Blades, Ricardo Ray…the boogaloo, the shingaling, salsa, guaracha, charanga, guaguancó…you name it, Fania had it.

The Fania label was as firmly and aggressively dedicated to “our Latin thing,” as Motown was to black rhythm & blues.                                                   

Here is a YouTube playlist of some of Fania’s greatest artists:

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Juan Bobo:

To Be or Not To Be

PONCE, PR – Juan Bobo is not satisfied with Hollywood stardom.

Critics and movie studios agree he is more popular than Will Smith, but this is not enough for Bobo.

Time & Juan Bobo

On March 22, 2013, Bobo will appear in the Ponce Repertory Theatre production of Hamlet.

Preview performances are all sold out, and critics are hailing it as “the greatest Hamlet in theatre history…more powerful than Laurence Olivier.”

Hamlet & Juan Bobo

We always knew that Juan Bobo is a world class actor. He is much too talented for politics, a better liar than all of them.

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Juan Bobo History Lesson:

Piri Thomas

In 1967, a raw and disturbing autobiography was published by Knopf Doubleday. It was called Down these Mean Streets by Piri Thomas.

A Puerto Rican ex-felon, Piri wrote a scathing account of his East Harlem childhood, and the choices he made which landed him in prison. The language was sharp and unvarnished. The publisher saw great dramatic value in giving Piri free rein, to tell his story in his own vernacular.

The book caught on and has been in print ever since, for nearly fifty years. Martin Scorcese’s second feature film, Mean Streets, borrowed its title and ambience.

The New York Times celebrated its dysfunction, calling it “a report from the guts and heart.”

There is clearly more to the Puerto Rican (or any) experience than crime, drugs, prison and family dysfunction. But Piri was ghetto fabulous, Piri delivered the “real deal,” and Piri got published.

Here is a YouTube video about the life and work of Piri Thomas: 

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Juan Bobo in Las Vegas

LAS VEGAS, NV  – In a break from his congressional campaign, Juan Bobo took his musical skills to Las Vegas, to appear nightly at the Sands Hotel.

After just two weeks, Juan Bobo is being called “the new Wayne Newton” with such hits as Babalú Bobo, Boogaloo Bobo, Bugle Boy Bobo, and Gangnam Style Bobo.

Bobo also enchants the golden age ladies with classics like Volare and Let the Good Times Roll.

Juan Bobo & Vegas

For a show-stopping finale, the Sands Hotel erected an outdoor tent. The whole audience marches in, sits down, and the spirit of Bobo enters the tent for a stirring rendition of Onward Christian Soldiers. This feat is so spectacular, that audiences have begun arriving from other hotels. 

Juan Bobo CampaignJuan Bobo’s finale at the Sands Hotel

After multiple visits from the Nevada Gaming Commission, no projection or public address system has been found. “I don’t know how to say this,” said Commissioner Tim Beauford, “but Mr. Bobo looks like the real thing.” 

The Chronicles of Juan Bobo