Juan bobo

Skaddenfreude

NEW YORK, NY – In preparation for his upcoming Congressional campaign, Juan Bobo (aka the Puerto Rican Guy) has unionized a new sector of the American economy: out-of-work lawyers.

According to the Puerto Rican, four white-shoe law firms have monopolized 80% of all corporate transactional work, and over 90% of all corporate defense and white collar crime cases, for the past 60 years.

“Ever since Harry Truman these guys are running the show!” Bobo said, in his Harlem campaign headquarters.

According to Juan Bobo, the mastermind of this scheme is Wilfrid Robarts, a senior partner at Skadden, Arps, Slate, Meagher & Flom.

Wilfrid Robarts, Esq. 

“Don’t let that wig fool you,” warned Bobo. “Robarts is a genius at corporate double-talk.”

The Puerto Rican accused Robarts of having thirty Fortune 100 companies on personal retainer. 

Bobo also claimed that, unbeknownst to one client, Skadden senior partners  have been litigating the same anti-trust case for the past 46 years. 

Skadden Arps senior partners object for the 3,141,593rd time

Surrounded by forty out-of-work lawyers, Juan Bobo accused Robarts of turning the legal profession into a white slave racket.

“Of the 1.2 million lawyers in America, 10 percent of them are in New York…and all of them are desperate for work.” said Bobo.  “In fact, my  uncle drowned in his bathtub last week, and three lawyers showed up at his funeral.”

Reminded that Mahatma Gandhi was once a personal injury attorney in Mumbai, Bobo said that “he showed up at the funeral too.” 

mmgandhiAttorney Gandhi

Regardless of Gandhi’s whereabouts, the managing editor of American Lawyer Magazine, Remy Gazcous, estimates that “$20 billion worth of legal document review is outsourced to India every year. Mostly by Skadden Arps.”

Juan Bobo offered few particulars about his new union other than its name – the Unemployed Lawyers of America – and a membership in excess of 200,000. 

The Chronicles of Juan Bobo

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  80. William Endicott, Jr. says:

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