Archive for May, 2013

Juan bobo

Juan Bobo leads a revolution

in Brazil

VOLTA GRANDE DO XINGU, BRAZIL  – Juan Bobo is leading several Indian tribes into armed revolution against the government of Brazil.

All along the XinguRiver, the indigenous people are becoming aware that the proposed Bel Monte dam will dry up their river, and force them all into starvation.

“We fight with Bobo!” screamed Chief Toño Bicicleta, leader of the deadly YanuManu tribe. “He kill the white man for us.” 

YanuManu TribeJuan Bobo leads the YanuManu tribe into battle

Local sources are uncertain who this white man may be, and whether or not Juan Bobo has killed him yet. But Juan Bobo spent the last nine months running up and down the XinguRiver basin, warning everyone about the white man’s dam.

And now 40,000 Indians are carrying spears and looking for the white man. The revolution is here.

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Juan Bobo:       

The Patron Saint of Taxpayers 

Juan Bobo is the patron saint of France. He is also the patron saint of taxpayers all over the world. The reason is quite simple.

In the year 242 A.D., when the French Tax Agency (FTA) taxed the last dime out of him, Juan Bobo paid a visit to the local FTA office.

“I have nothing left to give,” said Juan. “So here, take this.”       

Juan Bobo placed his head in front of the FTA man and walked out. From that very moment, in the third century A.D., Juan Bobo became the patron saint of France and of taxpayers around the world.

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Juan Bobo:

Dancing with the Stars

LAS VEGAS, NV  – Jaun Bobo continues his onslaught on American reality TV.

Disney/ABC TV President and CEO Anne Sweeney was thrilled with the Nielsen numbers that Juan scored during a one-time guest appearance.

“We doubled our numbers that night,” said Sweeney. “And they were all Puerto Rican.”

Sweeney promptly offered Juan a job: to replace Len Goodman as the lead judge on Dancing with the Stars.

Juan Bobo Dancing with the Stars

 

“I don’t know much about judging,” said Juan Bobo, “but I know a good guaguancó when I see one.”

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Juan Bobo:

The One-Minute Manager

WASHINGTONHEIGHTS, NYC – Juan Bobo believes in leading by example. Now that his campaign for U.S. Congress is underway, Juan noticed that everyone is always late…

Late to collect petition signatures.

Late to donate money.

Late to distribute fliers.

Late to every meeting.

Even Juan’s campaign manager is late…he forgot to pay his phone bill, until the phone company turned off his phone.

And so, in order to lead by example, Juan Bobo ate his watch.

Now, every time Juan is late for a meeting, and every time he goes to the bathroom, a ticking sound emits from his anus.

Through this supreme sacrifice, Juan Bobo hopes that his campaign will start to run on time. 

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Divorce, Juan Bobo Style

Juan Bobo has become a famous divorce lawyer in Caguas, Puerto Rico.

“At first I represented the men,” said Juan, “but every man in Caguas is cheating on his wife, plus the women pay better.”

Juan specializes in the “His and Her” settlement, where the husband ends up with a “His” towel and the photos taken by Juan’s detective.

The wife (Juan Bobo’s client) keeps everything else.

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Juan Bobo Hissy Fit 

GRANADA, NICARAGUA – Juan Bobo displayed poor sportsmanship in Central America this week.

During the yearly Sabado Gigante race in Lake Nicaragua, he demanded that the only beverage sold in all the concession stands, would be his own homemade coquito.

When the race organizers refused, Bobo crashed his speed boat and  walked away.

Speed boatJuan Bobo storms out of the Sabado Gigante race

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Juan Bobo’s Dilemna:

No One Will Fight Him 

Juan Bobo has become the greatest boxer in the world.

His training and nutrition methods are highly secret…so secret that he has to change training camps every three days.

Bobo’s secret training camp

Juan Bobo’s record is now 48-0 with 43 knockouts across eight different weight divisions.

Last week he destroyed Vinnie Paz, aka “the Pazmanian Devil” in an HBO spectacular. Yesterday he flew to the Congo to fight Red Mandingo Jones…the last boxer in the world who was willing to fight Juan Bobo.

In front of twenty thousand Congolese fight fans, Red Mandingo managed to land only one punch.

bobo knock out punchThe only punch from the Red Mandingo

This punch infuriated Bobo. He turned Mandingo into a bag of ketchup, and knocked him out in the fifth round.

mandingoNearly dead Mandingo

We will bring you more news of Juan Bobo’s ring career…but for the moment, no one wants to fight the Bobo.

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The Juan Bobo School

of Government Reform

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Juan Bobo has opened a new school which uses all the latest tools of educational reform.

It is a school for politicians, which helps them to do their jobs.

Bobo uses smart boards, interactive video, computer distance learning…but so far, the most successful methods are rather old-fashioned.  

JUAN BOBO’S Old-fashioned teaching TOOLS

Apparently, physical torture is the best way to get politicians to do their job, and to stop stealing from the people who elected them.

“The bastinado is my favorite,” says Bobo. “When they’re hanging upside down, they start to get real cooperative.”

Here is Juan Bobo teaching a congressman to take his mistress off the government payroll: 

the rack

 

Juan Bobo is a true government reformer, and we heartily agree with his methods.

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Juan Bobo on the Economy

Juan Bobo is running for Governor of New York.

Juan Bobo for President

 

He also has a ground-breaking economic vision for America. His economic platform is powerful and profound.  According to Juan Bobo, there  IS no American economy

Market GraphThe proof that there is no economy

As our congressman, Juan Bobo will show everyone how to survive in a country that has no economy.

Don’t forget to vote for him.   

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Juan Bobo Endorsed

by Citizen Kane 

HARLEM, NEW YORK – Before a packed Apollo Theater crowd, Charles Foster Kane endorsed Juan Bobo for Governor of New York.

“I entered this race for one thing only,” said Mr. Kane. “To send Juan Bobo to Albany.”

Juan Bobo Rally

As publisher of The Enquirer and twelfth richest man in the world, Mr. Kane promised to supply a lot of dirt on Juan’s opponent, and “more money than you can count” for his campaign.

In addition, Mr. Kane purchased “a Puerto Rican bus” for street campaigning.

Juan Bobo Bus

 

The Chronicles of Juan Bobo