Four Congressmen Arrested in a Cockfight

Posted: September 6, 2013 in Recent Posts
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Juan bobo

Juan Bobo and Four Congressmen     

Arrested in a Cockfight 

Caguas police seized 4 members of the U.S. House of Representatives, a San Juan sheriff, and a personal injury lawyer on Friday night, in the most disastrous political fundraiser in Puerto Rico since 1898.

“I couldn’t believe it!” said Walter Mercado, Inspector General of the Caguas Cock Unit. “At 1 a.m., on our routine raid of El Pollo Diablo, we kicked in the door and all hell broke loose.” 

The action begins at El Pollo Diablo

“Twenty Mexicans jumped out the basement window,” said Officer Shaniqua Lee. “Then we saw all them politicians.”

According to police records, dozens of congressmen were jumping, screaming, throwing hundred dollar bills at each other, and drinking a potent Puerto Rican concoction known as Dead Gringo Malt Liquor.

Within an hour, the Cock Unit arrested a large bipartisan coalition of legislative cockfighting enthusiasts.  

Congressmen Don Nickles (R-OK), Charles Schumer (D-NY), Dick Gephardt (D-MO), John Lewis (D-GA) minutes before arrest.

The FEC is also investigating a million-dollar cock ring, whereby aging Senators go on unannounced “fact-finding missions” to Tibet… then return with huge honoraria and strange, beatific grins.

Sen. Orrin Hatch (R-UT) during a cock-buying trip in Tibet.

The entire scheme and Juan Bobo’s cockfight racket were exposed by James Frey, a 23-year old alcoholic turned undercover cop.  

According to Frey, “it was already one hell of a night. Juan Bobo was six thousand dollars ahead in the pit. His famous Chupacabra was enormous, it just couldn’t lose. But the Caguas cock unit ruined everything.”

The Chronicles of Juan Bobo

  1. Wito Pacheco says:

    Que gallo! Juan Bobo es un gran gallinero.

  2. Joe Sanchez says:

    When it comes to cockfights, it really shows how men are so concerned about their “manhood”

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