Posts Tagged ‘Caguas Puerto Rico’

Juan bobo

Juan Bobo History Lesson:

 Pablo Casals

Pablo Casals was the pre-eminent cellist of the first half of the 20th century, and one of the greatest cellists of all time.

He made many recordings throughout his career, of solo, chamber, and orchestral music, also as conductor, but he is perhaps best remembered for the recordings of the Bach Cello Suites he made from 1936 to 1939.

Pablo Casals’ mother was from Mayaguez, Puerto Rico. He married Marta Montañez y Martinez, a Puerto Rican woman, and lived in Puerto Rico the last 17 years of his life. He made an impact in the Puerto Rican music scene by founding the Puerto Rico Symphony Orchestra in 1958, and the Conservatory of Music of Puerto Rico in 1959.

In 1956 he founded the Casals Music Festival, which continues to be held yearly in San Juan. Here is film clip, of Casals playing the Bach Suite No. 1:

The Chronicles of Juan Bobo

Advertisements

Juan bobo

The Criollos de Caguas

Show Renewed Spirit

CAGUAS, PR  –  The new manager of the Criollos de Caguas, Mr. Juan Bobo, has already had a great impact. Within one week, the entire team has shown a great new competitive spirit.

They all look like winners. Here is their leadoff man, expressing his feelings about a pitch.

Here is their catcher, chasing a foul ball.

Baseball Catcher

Here is the bullpen, showing their support in between innings.

Here is the entire team, inquiring about sleeping accomodations during a double header.

Baseball Brawl

Juan Bobo clearly knows how to motivate a team. We can’t wait for the Puerto Rico winter league season to begin!

Complete coverage of the Criollos de Caguas will continue on these pages.

The Chronicles of Juan Bobo

Juan bobo

The Criollos de Caguas

Part II

CAGUAS, PR  –  Juan Bobo, the new manager of the Criollos de Caguas baseball team, has just announced his new line-up for the 2014 season.

“We are in a building year,” said Bobo. “The emphasis will be on youth and career promise.”

When reporters pointed out that the new players looked a little too young, Bobo responded “tell that to Vince Lombardi. Recruit the athlete, not the position.”

Criollos De CaguasThe new Criollos de Caguas

Bobo pointed out that his pitching staff is still stacked with veterans.

“Our starting pitcher, Don Q, will set the standard for the entire team, “said Bobo. “We will all benefit from his baseball wisdom…both on and off the field.”

Don Q is still undergoing shoulder rehab, and was not available for comment.

DrunkDon Q in rehab

Complete coverage of the Criollos de Caguas  and Don Q’s rehabilitation will continue on these pages.

The Chronicles of Juan Bobo

Juan bobo

The Criollos de Caguas

CAGUAS, PR  –  In preparation for its 2014 season, the Puerto Rican winter baseball league just announced the new manager of the Criollos de Caguas.

As you may have guessed, the new manager is Juan Bobo. The outgoing manager, Adam Clayton Powell VII, was caught by surprise.

Surprised PowellPowell was surprised

According to Powell, “Juan Bobo is a fraud. He knows nothing about baseball. The only way he got this job, was by bribing people in Caguas.”

Santa BoboBobo bribing people in Caguas

Bobo’s first job will be to assist Don Q, the Criollos starting pitcher, with the rehabilitation of his right shoulder.

DrunkDon Q in rehab

Complete coverage of the Criollos de Caguas  and Don Q’s rehabilitation will continue on these pages.

The Chronicles of Juan Bobo

Juan bobo

Doctor Virgilio Bobo

When Adam Clayton Powell VI was shot and killed, Juan Bobo left Puerto Rico in    a hurry.  He flew to America and looked up his uncle, Dr. Virgilio Bobo.

electric Bobo

Dr. Bobo was a genius. 

As Director of the Arecibo Radio Telescope, Dr. Bobo appeared in a James Bond movie, two horror films and numerous episodes of the X-Files. He was the extra-terrestrial consultant for the movie Contact. He even substituted for Leonard Nimoy in two episodes of Star Trek

Spock Bobo

The doctor also determined the  rotation rate of the planet Mercury, discovered the  first planets outside our solar system, found the first millisecond pulsar  (20 miles wide and spinning 642 times per second), and detected pre-biotic molecules in the galaxy Arp 220 which is 250 million light years away.

When he left Caguas in 1948, Dr. Bobo was only sixteen and already famous for his knowledge of short-wave radio technology. Now he was a world-famous astronomer, charting our universe as head of the Astrophysics Department at CornellUniversity, which owned the telescope.

So Dr. Bobo was a pretty smart guy.

The Arecibo radio telescope 

To protect his genius and the confidentiality of his findings, they even built a special campus for Dr. Bobo and his many assistants, called CampChesterfield.

The Chronicles of Juan Bobo

Juan bobo

Juan Bobo Escapes

from Puerto Rico

It was a shame, really. After winning the longest game in baseball history, Juan Bobo organized the most famous party in Puerto Rico. He brought in musicians, prostitutes, roast suckling pig, and his own special rum.

 

Don Q Bobo

 
Juan filled the washing machine with coquito. Bambino found a barrel of sugarcane rum, Choco found twenty cases of Corona, and a Budweiser truck delivered eight ice-cold kegs. And then the wine came, gallons and gallons of it. Juan was ready for anything. He even built a special bar for the occasion.
 

Juan Bobo 3

 
A few fights broke out, but no self-respecting Puerto Rican party would be complete without them. In fact, the mayor of Caguas and two priests were there, and they  joined in the fights, too. 
 
Juan even gave a special performance of Celia Cruz’s greatest hits.
 

Juan Bobo CruzAzucar  !

 
And so it was a shame, really, that Adam Clayton Powell VI got into an argument with Juan Bobo, and the sheriff of Caguas shot Powell in the face. The party didn’t last much longer after that, and there was a lot of leftover chicken.
 
Powell ran down a dusty road, and died a hundred feet from Juan’s house. The sheriff (a.k.a. Papo Bullshit) advised Juan to leave Puerto Rico in a hurry, and Juan agreed.
 
When they reached the airport, they hugged quickly and quietly since there was no time for sentiment. As he looked at Juan for the last time, Papo made the sign of the cross and asked for God’s protection. Then he told Juan to be strong, to play  hard, that el béisbol is about taking your best cut and swinging from the heels, because America is all curveballs.
 

The Chronicles of Juan Bobo

Juan bobo

Juan Bobo, Filadelfo

and His Magic Accordion

Every day, before every game, the Criollos de Caguas had to awaken Filadelfo the accordion player. He was always snoring in right field, wrapped in a tattered blanket, sleeping off a drunk.

Filadelfo had toured with Mantovani, but now he played only one tune when intoxicated – En Mi Viejo San Juan. When very drunk he also remembered fragments of Mendelssohn’s Spring Song.

Filadelfo when sober

As the only high-brow musician in the whole town, Filadelfo possessed a just celebrity. He was brilliant and industrious – his sons and daughters were innumerable – but the artistic temperament was too much for him.

On February 9, 2012, Filadelfo was passed out, and draped like an “L” over a bench. He refused to wake up. But the mayor of Caguas was there for  the big game, so Juan Bobo had no choice, and he ordered the ground crew to throw a bucket of ice water on Filadelfo.

DrunkHe refused to wake up

The accordionist sprang up in a rage, and placed a curse on both teams. “You’re all in a hurry?” he yelled. “Okay, so keep on hurrying!”

From that point on, the baseball game became very strange. Every batter on both teams connected with the first pitch, for either an immediate hit or an immediate out. 

They hit every pitch

The game proceeded at lightning speed and, by the end of the day, the game was tied at 24-24 after 59 innings. The Criollos pitcher Don Q was becoming a nervous wreck, and started drinking Bacardi in the dugout.

Everyone in the stadium had heard Filadelfo, and they started whispering that “the curse of Filadelfo” had taken over the game.

Juan Bobo had never seen anything like it.

The Chronicles of Juan Bobo

Juan bobo

Juan Bobo’s Spermatozoon

Crosses the Rio Grande

Against his better judgment, Juan Bobo attended a baseball party at the Caguas Real Golf & Country Club.

The mayor of Caguas, the witch doctor of Guayama, and le tout Caguas were invited to this hot party.

Wave upon wave of partygoers jammed into the Rita Moreno Ballroom,  where the women swayed dreamily to Besame Mucho. El Gran Combo exploded into Amor Brutal and the party heated up fast.  

El Gran Combo sings Handel’s Messiah

Juan grabbed a Corona, retreated to a palm tree, and waited for disaster.

This party was a horrible mistake…the Yankees viewed Juan’s spermatozoa as a long stream of illegal immigrants, wading across the Rio Grande to take up residence (and collect welfare) in the United States. Even one spermatozoon was cause for alarm. And here comes Viagra, throwing a party for all of them.

Juan's SpermJuan’s spermatozoon

As if to prove Juan’s point, Adam Clayton Powell VI started to dance with Juan’s sister. Then he kissed her neck. Then he pinched her breasts.

Hijo de la gran puta!”

“Te corto la cara!”

“Dame mis chavos, maricón!”

A fight broke out between the Criollos and the Barónes, something about some fake jewelry. Juan had to run over and calm things down, take a knife out of Flaco Navaja’s hand, and get Choco safely out of the ballroom. 

istarWhere’s my stolen watch?!

By the time he ran back, Adam Clayton Powell VI and Juan’s sister were gone.

The Chronicles of Juan Bobo

Juan bobo

Juan Bobo Falls Victim to

Creative Visualization

LONDON, U.K. – A little knowledge is a dangerous thing.

The Puerto Rican found an abandoned copy of Shakti Gawain’s Creative Visualization on a New York City subway train.

He started to practice all the affirmations, meditations and Chakra exercises in the book.

He became particularly adept at the Pink Bubble Technique…where you surround your fantasy with a pink bubble, and let it go into the universe.

Juan Bobo became so good at it, that whatever he asked for, the Pink Bubble would get it for him.

Bobo gets a chihuahua

One night he got drunk and asked for something ridiculous.

He can’t remember what it was…but for the past three days, Juan Bobo has been floating over the Thames River.

Moon Leo

 

The Chronicles of Juan Bobo

Juan bobo

Judge Juan Bobo 

WASHINGTON HEIGHTS, NY – Juan Bobo has been appointed as a Federal judge, in the Southern District of New York.

His first case involved three thieving politicians from WashingtonHeights, who have been stealing from people for the last twenty years.

One of them is already in jail.

Judge Bobo

Bobo banged his gavel on all of them.

P’al carajo!”  he said, and sent them all where they belong.

3 amigos

 

The Chronicles of Juan Bobo