Posts Tagged ‘Caribbean’

Juan bobo

The Criollos de Caguas

Show Renewed Spirit

CAGUAS, PR  –  The new manager of the Criollos de Caguas, Mr. Juan Bobo, has already had a great impact. Within one week, the entire team has shown a great new competitive spirit.

They all look like winners. Here is their leadoff man, expressing his feelings about a pitch.

Here is their catcher, chasing a foul ball.

Baseball Catcher

Here is the bullpen, showing their support in between innings.

Here is the entire team, inquiring about sleeping accomodations during a double header.

Baseball Brawl

Juan Bobo clearly knows how to motivate a team. We can’t wait for the Puerto Rico winter league season to begin!

Complete coverage of the Criollos de Caguas will continue on these pages.

The Chronicles of Juan Bobo

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Juan bobo

Juan Bobo and His    

Criollos de Caguas 

Juan Bobo managed the Criollos de Caguas, the worst team in the Puerto Rico winter baseball league. The Criollos had won fourteen Puerto Rico pennants and three Caribbean World Series, but you’d never know it by this bunch.

Don Q, the starting pitcher, had a 98 mph fast ball but was usually half-drunk and utterly unpredictable. 

DrunkThe starting pitcher Don Q 

Pitrós, the catcher, had a huge family to feed and was the hardest working Criollo. He had two concussions and four cracked ribs from defending home plate

Pitrós saves a run, cracks a rib

Flaco Navaja, the first baseman, was very mean-tempered and known to stab base runners.

Flaco feels he was safe    

Perico had a cocaine habit and autonomic dysreflexia, which sent him into seizures at shortstop. This was helpful in hit and run situations but otherwise useless.

Perico the shortstop     

Wilson the third baseman had no arm, was the worst fielder on the team, but had an uncanny ability to steal running signals and the other team’s equipment. Thanks to Wilson, most of the games ended in an all-out brawl.

Wilson steals home, then home plate, then a catcher’s mitt

The Criollos didn’t mind getting arrested because the sheriff of Caguas served good wine in his prison. But Juan Bobo was running out of bail money.

The Chronicles of Juan Bobo

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Juan Bobo History Lesson:

Rafael Hernández

Rafael Hernández was born into a poor family. As a child, he learned the craft of cigar making, from which he made a modest living. He also grew to love music and asked his parents to permit him to become a full-time music student. He learned to play the piano, clarinet, tuba, violin  and guitar.

At the age of 14, he played for the Cocolia Orquestra. However, it was when he learned how to write music that his life and the history of Puerto Rican music would change forever. 

His music portrayed the ocean, mountains, hurricanes and people that define Puerto Rico. His compositions of Preciosa and Lamento Borincano expressed the soul of an entire island, and its turbulent history. Here is a piano rendition of Preciosa, along with images of his many works:

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Juan Bobo History Lesson:

Luis Muñoz Marín

Luis Muñoz Marín was the first democratically elected governor of Puerto Rico. His father was a distinguished journalist and island politician, and his grandfather was mayor of the town of Barranquitas.

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Some people claim he sold out the independence of Puerto Rico, in order to become governor.

Others say he was a great visionary, who helped pull Puerto Rico through the Great Depression through the “Operation Bootstrap” program, and other economic reforms.

In any event, the U.S. named a postage stamp after him. Here is a short newsreel of Luis Muñoz Marín, delivering a passionate speech:

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Juan Bobo History Lesson:

José Feliciano

According to many, José Feliciano is the greatest living guitarist in the world. He was born blind in 1945 in Lares, Puerto Rico, and given a cuatro guitar as a present at age 3.

José became quite good at it, and by age 18 we was signed to a recording contract with RCA Victor.

 

Many people know him for Light My Fire and Feliz Navidad. But his musical range includes Spanish classical guitar, blues, R&B, just about every genre imaginable.

Here is a video bio about him. It would have been much better if the announcer shut up, and we could just here José Feliciano play.

But oh, that guitar is marvelous.

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Juan Bobo History Lesson:

Correa Cotto

Correa Cotto beheaded his girlfriend, stabbed his stepfather, and strangled some guy named Luis. He also killed several cops and escaped repeatedly from jail.

On October 30, 1950 he staged a mass riot in El Oso Blanco, the largest prison in

Puerto Rico. Correa escaped that night, with dozens of guards and policemen chasing after him. Since October 30, 1950 was also the date of the Puerto Rican Nationalist Revolts, some people say that Correa was a patriot.

They made three movies about him. Here is a trailer from one of them:

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Juan Bobo History Lesson:

 Barceloneta

The town of Barceloneta, Puerto Rico has some

He made many recordings throughout his career, of solo, chamber, and orchestral music, also as conductor, but he is perhaps best remembered for the recordings of the Bach Cello Suites he made from 1936 to 1939.

Pablo Casals’ mother was from Mayaguez, Puerto Rico. He married Marta Montañez y Martinez, a Puerto Rican woman, and lived in Puerto Rico the last 17 years of his life. He made an impact in the Puerto Rican music scene by founding the Puerto Rico Symphony Orchestra in 1958, and the Conservatory of Music of Puerto Rico in 1959.

In 1956 he founded the Casals Music Festival, which continues to be held yearly in San Juan. Here is film clip, of Casals playing the Bach Suite No. 1:

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Juan Bobo and Leo Machuchal:

Two Fops in Fajardo 

FAJARDO, PR – The law firm of Bobo & Machuchal is hated throughout all of Puerto Rico.

The reason is very simple – they win every case they take on, and make more money than Governor Anibal Acevedo-Vila (a well-known crook).

In all fairness, Juan Bobo and Leo Machuchal have developed a strange courtroom demeanor.

They dress like British barristers, complete with silk underwear and powdered wigs.  For this reason, the San Juan Star has accused them of legal foppery.

Garcia and Machuchal, accused of foppery

The two lawyers are inseparable, which raises a series of other questions. 

What is the relationship of these two men?  Why do they wear the wigs?  Why does Juan Bobo look suspiciously like Charles Laughton?

Juan Bobo presents the “yo no se” defense

The entire island of Puerto Rico is demanding answers. 

Meanwhile Bobo and Machuchal have become multi-millionaires, and will soon star in a TV reality show. 

The Chronicles of Juan Bobo

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Juan Bobo Announces Department of

Rubble and Urban Development

ORLANDO, FL — “Vote for me,” yelled Juan Bobo. “Because we need to turn lemons into lemonade.”

Standing on a pile of rocks, on the front steps of actor Erik Estrada’s crumbling old house near LakeBuena Vista, the Puerto Rican declared himself a candidate for Mayor of Orlando.

He then demanded the creation of a new Cabinet-level federal bureaucracy, the Department of Rubble and Urban Development.

Bobo RubbleJuan Bobo demands more rubble

“We need to manage our rubble,” he shouted. “Rubble is our most abundant resource, the fastest-growing sector of our economy.”

Juan Bobo had a point.

With a deepening national recession and a 91% rise in Orlando home foreclosures over the past year alone, he declared that “action movies and rubble are America’s greatest exports.”

“We must respect the Black-Scholes equation, and create a path to capitalization on our vast and ever-increasing supply of rock fragments and crumbling masonry.”

Reporters were confused by the Spanish accent and MBA double-talk, but then he     pointed over his shoulder and made sense.

RubbleErik Estrada’s house, before and after 2009 foreclosure

Erik Estrada, the renowned Buddhist, had defaulted on a sub-prime loan. The aging movie actor had fallen victim to predatory lending practices and a receding hairline.

Rats, condoms and Chinese takeout were piled waist-high, all around the crumbling Estrada house.

Juan Bobo was inspired by it.

“Look at this gorgeous rubble,” he shouted. “This is the new American frontier.  We must accept the reality of rubble and our new rubble economy.”

“And as your next Mayor, I will take strong and immediate steps, to end our dependence on foreign rubble.”

As the crowd cheered, the Bobo prayed for the people.

Then he prayed for more rubble. 

Bobo ProsperityPraying for the people’s prosperity

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Juan Bobo History Lesson:

 Operation Portrex

A few months before the Korean War, the U.S. staged the largest war games in American history.

Known as “Operation Portrex,” it sent 32,000 soldiers of the 82nd U.S. Airborne to invade the island of Vieques, which was defended by the 65th Infantry Division of Puerto Rico, also known as the “Borinqueneers,” who had only 4,000 soldiers.  

The 82nd invades Vieques

Despite these 8:1 odds, and despite a coordinated land-air-sea assault, the Borinqueneers held the island. 

You can view a newsreel about Operation Portrex here:

The newsreel has one fundamental inaccuracy. It claims that the 82nd succeeded in their assault. In fact, they failed. The historical record is clear and unambiguous about this.

But taxpayers need to be reassured.

The Chronicles of Juan Bobo