Posts Tagged ‘New York’

Juan bobo

Juan Bobo Trailer Park

NEW YORK, NY  – As part of his congressional campaign, Juan Bobo announced a revolutionary housing initiative for the people of  Washington Heights.

Bobo thrilled the crowd with a few card tricks, then yanked a tablecloth and revealed his ultimate miracle: a four-story, pre-fabricated trailer park.

“Now everyone in my district can own a dream home!” shouted Bobo. “Why should rich people have all the fun?” 

The Juan Bobo trailer park

According to Mr. Bobo, any registered Democrat will qualify for a trailer. All they have to do is vote for me.

“I’m bringing congress back to the people,” he said. “And the people want trailer parks.”

The Chronicles of Juan Bobo

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Pope Juan Bobo IV

ROME  – Catholic Church historians have discovered a previously unidentified Pope, who was passed over in 18th century ecclesiastical records.

Pope Juan Bobo IV was the first Latino Pope.

Pope Bobo IVPope Juan Bobo IV

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Juan Bobo Falls Victim to

Creative Visualization

LONDON, U.K. – A little knowledge is a dangerous thing.

The Puerto Rican found an abandoned copy of Shakti Gawain’s Creative Visualization on a New York City subway train.

He started to practice all the affirmations, meditations and Chakra exercises in the book.

He became particularly adept at the Pink Bubble Technique…where you surround your fantasy with a pink bubble, and let it go into the universe.

Juan Bobo became so good at it, that whatever he asked for, the Pink Bubble would get it for him.

Bobo gets a chihuahua

One night he got drunk and asked for something ridiculous.

He can’t remember what it was…but for the past three days, Juan Bobo has been floating over the Thames River.

Moon Leo

 

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Judge Juan Bobo 

WASHINGTON HEIGHTS, NY – Juan Bobo has been appointed as a Federal judge, in the Southern District of New York.

His first case involved three thieving politicians from WashingtonHeights, who have been stealing from people for the last twenty years.

One of them is already in jail.

Judge Bobo

Bobo banged his gavel on all of them.

P’al carajo!”  he said, and sent them all where they belong.

3 amigos

 

The Chronicles of Juan Bobo

Juan bobo

Juan Bobo Accused

of Buying Votes

HARLEM, NEW YORK – In a packed news conference, Congressman Charles Rangel accused the Puerto Rican Guy, also known as Juan Bobo, of violating U.S. federal election laws.

“He’s buying votes!” he shouted. “They should throw him in jail!”

Reminded that for the past 40 years, he has done precisely the same thing, Congressman Rangel was quick to respond. “I give people a little taste. There’s nothing wrong with that. But this guy just hands out money!”

The Congressman’s staff distributed some U.S. currency to every reporter. The bills did appear a bit strange.

3 dollar Bobo

“Just yesterday, the Puerto Rican handed these out at three senior centers,” said Rangel. “Then he handed out hundreds more, in front of the Apollo Theatre.”

Congressman Rangel demanded an immediate audit of the Committee to Elect Juan Bobo. “Making empty promises is one thing,” said Rangel. “I do it all the time. But handing out three dollar bills…that’s really low.”  

The Chronicles of Juan Bobo

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Juan Bobo’s Bachelor Pad

EAST HARLEM, NY – Juan Bobo was invaded by the Sanitation Department of NYC last week.

An anonymous caller complained of a foul smell coming from his Washington Heights apartment.

When the garbage men arrived they found mountains of boxes; towers of newspapers and books; heaps of chandeliers, sofas and debris; human limbs and organs (including a pickled kidney); a Robert Morton Wonder Organ with twin pipe chambers; and a Model T Ford.

A dead man was found in a closet. 

A dog was found beneath two tons of Carolina rice.

In all, they found 200,000 pounds of garbage in Bobo’s apartment. It was piled nine feet high, and had to be evacuated through the building windows.

Collyer

The fire and police departments had to pass garbage up to the roof.      

Removing garbage through the roof

Three fork lift trucks had to haul Bobo’s garbage away, for an entire month.

We do not believe this was Juan Bobo’s garbage. There were no Coronas, matzoh balls, or bottles of coquito.

This is part of the ongoing plot to discredit Juan Bobo, the only Puerto Rican worth voting for.

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Juan Bobo Einstein 

NEW YORK CITY – The McCarthur Foundation has just conferred a genius grant on Juan Bobo.

For the next three years, he won’t have to do anything except lie around the house, and think up some stupid shit.

This is pretty much what he’s been doing all his life, except now he’ll get paid for it.

electric BoboOfficially a genius

Though still in hiding from the FBI, Mr. Bobo was able to communicate through a confidential source in East Harlem.

“I am happy to receive this grant,” he said. “And like all the other geniuses, I am honored to lie around the house, collect my grant money, and do nothing.”

The Chronicles of Juan Bobo

Juan bobo

El Juego de Bicho

Juan Bobo and his aunt Tati have developed a new lottery system. It is   deeply religious, fun for senior citizens, and perfect for people who can’t count. Used properly, it will save every local government from our growing recession.

Juan Bobo invented it…

And now he unveils it…

El Juego de Bicho

Bicho

Instead of betting on a three or five-digit number, people will bet on a combination of animals.

If they dream that a pig flew by their window, then their dog ate a parakeet… the next morning they can bet the  pig—dog—bird  combo.

This could allow them to bet in a spiritual way…consistent with their dream life.

It’s easier for the old folks to remember. It gives them something to pray about in church, and argue about in the senior center.

Juan Bobo test marketed his lottery in India…where it spread like wildfire and cause rioting in Mumbai.

Indian women discuss their bichos 

There it is…forget about a dollar and a dream…just dream of a snake, two dogs and several unspeakable acts…

Then bet your brains out.

It’s the lottery for the New Age:  El Juego de Bicho.

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The Coquito Candidate

WASHINGTON HEIGHTS,  NY  – Juan Bobo is running for office again. In a packed press conference, Leo announced his candidacy for U.S. Congress in WashingtonHeights.

Juan is not sure of his platform yet. “Someone is stealing a lot of money around here,” he told reporters, “and I’m going to find out who.” 

Juan Bobo PartyJuan Bobo announces his campaign

The counter-accusations have already begun.

Juan owns La Casita de Chema, a very popular bar that just happens to be in the district.  His coquito and guava schnapps are famous throughout Inwood and Marble Hill.  “He’s buying votes with his coquito!” shouted Congressman Charles Rangel at a local community forum. “I demand an investigation!” 

Juan Bobo 3Juan dispenses advice and coquito

The Congressman also charged that Leo does not care about government.  “It’s all a trick,” said Rangel. “He’s only running to promote his book about coquito.”

Rangel may have a point. The Coquito Dictionary was published in 2000 and is currently undergoing a reprint. Copies are on sale at Barnes & Noble,  Waldenbooks, Walmart, Home Depot, and of course this web site.

coquito Dictionary

 

The Chronicles of Juan Bobo

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Juan Bobo’s Income Tax Tips

Part VI

Juan Bobo doesn’t want you to pay any taxes.

Here’s a simple, sure-fire way to 100% tax freedom.

The next time the Internal Revenue Service comes knocking on your door, just welcome them the way Juan Bobo does…

Juan Bobo Lee

For three years in a row, the IRS guy said “I’m sorry, wrong address” and ran out of Juan’s building.

The Chronicles of Juan Bobo