Posts Tagged ‘Puerto Rican’

Juan bobo

Juan Bobo Develops

Anti-Aging Drug 

STATEN ISLAND, NY – Juan Bobo has developed a revolutionary Coquito drink.  It contains the usual rum, Coco Lopez and Carnation evaporated milk…but according to the Puerto Rican, it also contains “a Jack LaLanne Hormone which adds 30 years to your life.”

This claim was recently tested by Dr. Claire Richmond, Chief of Internal Medicine at Staten IslandUniversityHospital. Within ten minutes, Dr. Richmond performed a scene from Rocky and invested $200,000 in the Puerto Rican’s company.

Push Up GrannyThe Coquito works within minutes

Also skeptical was Prof. Tomás Morales, President of the College of Staten Island. After half a cup of Coquito, the professor performed handstands for nearly an hour.

Professor MoralesProfessor Morales points his toes

According to the Staten Island Advance, the Coquito formula is already under exclusive patent, and Bobo will be a billionaire within five years.

Juan Bobo drinks six glasses of Coquito a day. He was last seen doing 500 laps in the McBurney YMCA swimming pool.

Bobo Felps

 

The Chronicles of Juan Bobo

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Juan bobo

Juan Bobo Creates the   

Ostrich Political Party

Harlem, NYC – Juan Bobo today announced the creation of a third major political party in America.

“The Ostrich Party will have something for everyone!” he declared, in front of a Best Buy store.

Ostrich Bobo

“We will not lose a single election,” shouted the Puerto Rican. “And as you know, winning is everything.”

Asked how the Ostrich will accomplish this, he said “because we are dressed for success. Every time we break a promise to the American people, we will replace it with a better one…and hire a celebrity to endorse it.”

This lofty principle was articulated more fully in the Ostrich Party Platform.

“If you think President Obama is a useless puppet,” said Juan Bobo, “wait till you see me!” 

The Chronicles of Juan Bobo

Juan bobo

Juan Bobo Trying to Scream

Løten, Norway – Juan Bobo is not very talkative today. He is somewhere in Norway, trapped inside an Edvard Munch painting.

It all started when Juan dozed off after reading Strindberg’s A Dream Play. Juan dreamed that a witch named Agnes was trying to kill him and – worse yet – sue him for child support.

The dream solidified and Juan found himself trapped in the hypnopompic sleep phase. For the past three days he has been stuck in Munch’s world.

Juan Bobo Picasso

 

We will keep you posted on Juan’s progress, but it doesn’t look good.

The Chronicles of Juan Bobo

Juan bobo

Juan Bobo Makes the Ladies Scream

Juan Bobo refuses to be type-cast. A Hollywood straitjacket has been placed on him, as the handsome leading man.

Juan Bobo Time Mag

But Juan is too big for stereotypes, Puerto Rican or otherwise. Next week Paramount Pictures announces the release of Juan Bobo’s breakthrough film: Friday 13thJason Takes Manhattan.

Bobo the 13th

“Juan Bobo is a savage!” said Paramount Chairman Donald Pleasance.

“He put a Puerto Rican twist into Jason, and now the ladies are going crazy!”

This may be no exaggeration. According to the Hollywood Reporter, seven women passed out during test screenings of the film.

The Chronicles of Juan Bobo

Juan bobo

Juan Bobo History Lesson:

Piri Thomas

In 1967, a raw and disturbing autobiography was published by Knopf Doubleday. It was called Down these Mean Streets by Piri Thomas.

A Puerto Rican ex-felon, Piri wrote a scathing account of his East Harlem childhood, and the choices he made which landed him in prison. The language was sharp and unvarnished. The publisher saw great dramatic value in giving Piri free rein, to tell his story in his own vernacular.

The book caught on and has been in print ever since, for nearly fifty years. Martin Scorcese’s second feature film, Mean Streets, borrowed its title and ambience.

The New York Times celebrated its dysfunction, calling it “a report from the guts and heart.”

There is clearly more to the Puerto Rican (or any) experience than crime, drugs, prison and family dysfunction. But Piri was ghetto fabulous, Piri delivered the “real deal,” and Piri got published.

Here is a YouTube video about the life and work of Piri Thomas: