Posts Tagged ‘United States Congress’

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Juan Bobo Battles the     

Deepwater Horizon

GULF OF MEXICO  –  The Deepwater Horizon oil spill – also called the BP Oil Spill, the Gulf of Mexico oil spill, or the Macondo blowout – is a massive oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. It is now considered the largest offshore spill in U.S. history.

The spill stems from a sea floor oil gusher that started on April 20, 2010.

As part of his campaign for U.S. Congress, Juan Bobo is in the Gulf Of Mexico. He is fighting to resolve this great environmental crisis.

A satellite photo shows Bobo stopping the spread of the Deepwater oil slick.   

Juan Bobo Oil SlickJuan Bobo stops the oil slick

His opponents claim this is a maritime publicity stunt. These are the same people that accused another great Puerto Rican of a maritime publicity stunt.

They should all be ashamed of themselves.

Moishe Rodriguez parts the Red Sea

Vote for Bobo. He is the real deal.

The Chronicles of Juan Bobo

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Juan Bobo History Lesson:

Lolita Lebron

On March 1, 1954, four members of the Puerto Rican Nationalist Party walked into the visitor’s gallery of U.S. Congress. They opened fire on the politicians below, shooting 30 times and injuring 5 congressmen.

A woman named Lolita Lebron was their leader. She was arrested and sentenced to life imprisonment. During her trial she stated

“I did not come to kill anybody. I came to die for my country.”

 

25 years later, in 1979, her sentence was commuted by President Jimmy Carter. Upon her release, she was received as a hero in Puerto Rico.

Here is a short documentary about Lolita Lebron. It is a bit one-sided, using the words “maniac” and “fanatic.” The same could be said about Patrick Henry and George Washington.

The Chronicles of Juan Bobo

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Juan Bobo: El John Hancocko

WASHINGTON HEIGHTS, NYC  – Juan Bobo is very busy, running for U.S. Congress.

However, he sent us this information yesterday.

Here is conclusive proof that Juan Bobo was the principal author of the U.S. Constitution.

Bobo Hancoco

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Juan Bobo History Lesson:

 Operation Portrex

A few months before the Korean War, the U.S. staged the largest war games in American history.

Known as “Operation Portrex,” it sent 32,000 soldiers of the 82nd U.S. Airborne to invade the island of Vieques, which was defended by the 65th Infantry Division of Puerto Rico, also known as the “Borinqueneers,” who had only 4,000 soldiers.  

The 82nd invades Vieques

Despite these 8:1 odds, and despite a coordinated land-air-sea assault, the Borinqueneers held the island. 

You can view a newsreel about Operation Portrex here:

The newsreel has one fundamental inaccuracy. It claims that the 82nd succeeded in their assault. In fact, they failed. The historical record is clear and unambiguous about this.

But taxpayers need to be reassured.

The Chronicles of Juan Bobo

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Juan Bobo Grows in Guadalupe

GUADALUPE CITY  –  A 200-foot hole appeared out of nowhere in GuadalupeCity last night. No one knows how it got there.

Worse yet, no one knows how Juan Bobo got there.

Juan is stuck in the hole, and unable to campaign for U.S. Congress in Washington Heights.

Juan Bobo holeJuan Bobo in the hole

Back in New York City, people are accusing State Senator Adriano Espaillat of sticking Juan Bobo in the hole.

“He stuck him in the hole!” said Ruben Dario Vargas.

Hole or no hole, the campaign of Bobo rolls on.  Nothing can stop it.

Juan Bobo Bus

 

The Chronicles of Juan Bobo

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Juan Bobo:

More Campaign Slander 

WASHINGTON HEIGHTS, NYC  – Now that Juan Bobo is a candidate for U.S. Congress, a strange set of accusations are starting to swirl around him.

The latest is that Juan is not serious about running. He is simply using the campaign to promote his Fry Krisp pancake mix.

Pancake Bobo

The Chronicles of Juan Bobo