Juan Bobo and Leo Machuchal: Two Fops in Fajardo

Juan Bobo and Leo Machuchal:

Two Fops in Fajardo 

FAJARDO, PR – The law firm of Bobo & Machuchal is hated throughout all of Puerto Rico.

The reason is very simple – they win every case they take on, and make more money than Governor Anibal Acevedo-Vila (a well-known crook).

In all fairness, Juan Bobo and Leo Machuchal have developed a strange courtroom demeanor.

They dress like British barristers, complete with silk underwear and powdered wigs.  For this reason, the San Juan Star has accused them of legal foppery.

Garcia and Machuchal, accused of foppery

The two lawyers are inseparable, which raises a series of other questions. 

What is the relationship of these two men?  Why do they wear the wigs?  Why does Juan Bobo look suspiciously like Charles Laughton?

Juan Bobo presents the “yo no se” defense

The entire island of Puerto Rico is demanding answers. 

Meanwhile Bobo and Machuchal have become multi-millionaires, and will soon star in a TV reality show. 

Juan Bobo, Hanging Judge

Juan Bobo, Hanging Judge 

WASHINGTON HEIGHTS, NY – Juan Bobo has been appointed as a Federal judge in the Southern District of New York (SDNY).

His first case involved three thieving politicians from WashingtonHeights, who have been stealing from people for the last twenty years.

One of them is already in jail.

Bobo banged his gavel on all of them.

“P’al carajo!” he said, and sent them all where they belong.

 

Juan Bobo Trailer Park

Juan Bobo Trailer Park

NEW YORK, NY  – As part of his congressional campaign, Juan Bobo announced a revolutionary housing initiative for the people of  Washington Heights.

Bobo thrilled the crowd with a few card tricks, then yanked a tablecloth and revealed his ultimate miracle: a four-story, pre-fabricated trailer park.

“Now everyone in my district can own a dream home!” shouted Bobo. “Why should rich people have all the fun?” 

The Juan Bobo trailer park

According to Mr. Bobo, any registered Democrat will qualify for a trailer. All they have to do is vote for me.

“I’m bringing congress back to the people,” he said. “And the people want trailer parks.”

Juan Bobo the Tortured Painter

Juan Bobo is developing a new, disturbing talent. He was a child prodigy in Caguas Puerto Rico. His early portraits of Toño Bicicleta and other serial killers, won him worldwide recognition.

Subsequently, Juan specialized in family portraits such as the much-beloved Cocolo de Caguas.

For a while, he drew landscapes of old San Juan and other Puerto Rican towns.

In the last month however, Bobo’s work has become tortured.

He now paints lizards, rats, snakes and roaches.

He also paints endless labyrinths of Kafkaesque despair, with empty figures walking nowhere, for all eternity. 

All of this suggests, that Bobo should take a break from politics.

Maybe take a boys’ night out.

Whatever.

A man of Bobo’s genius should not always be suffering.

Juan Bobo leads a revolution in Brazil

Juan Bobo leads a revolution

in Brazil

VOLTA GRANDE DO XINGU, BRAZIL  – Juan Bobo is leading several Indian tribes into armed revolution against the government of Brazil.

All along the XinguRiver, the indigenous people are becoming aware that the proposed Bel Monte dam will dry up their river, and force them all into starvation.

“We fight with Bobo!” screamed Chief Toño Bicicleta, leader of the deadly YanuManu tribe. “He kill the white man for us.” 

Juan Bobo leads the YanuManu tribe into battle

Local sources are uncertain who this white man may be, and whether or not Juan Bobo has killed him yet. But Juan Bobo spent the last nine months running up and down the XinguRiver basin, warning everyone about the white man’s dam.

And now 40,000 Indians are carrying spears and looking for the white man. The revolution is here.

Juan Bobo Hissy Fit

Juan Bobo Hissy Fit 

GRANADA, NICARAGUA – Juan Bobo displayed poor sportsmanship in Central America this week.

During the yearly Sabado Gigante race in Lake Nicaragua, he demanded that the only beverage sold in all the concession stands, would be his own homemade coquito.

When the race organizers refused, Bobo crashed his speed boat and  walked away.

Juan Bobo storms out of the Sabado Gigante race

Juan Bobo’s Dilemna: No One Will Fight Him

Juan Bobo’s Dilemna:

No One Will Fight Him 

Juan Bobo has become the greatest boxer in the world.

His training and nutrition methods are highly secret…so secret that he has to change training camps every three days.

Bobo’s secret training camp

Juan Bobo’s record is now 48-0 with 43 knockouts across eight different weight divisions.

Last week he destroyed Vinnie Paz, aka “the Pazmanian Devil” in an HBO spectacular. Yesterday he flew to the Congo to fight Red Mandingo Jones…the last boxer in the world who was willing to fight Juan Bobo.

In front of twenty thousand Congolese fight fans, Red Mandingo managed to land only one punch.

The only punch from the Red Mandingo

This punch infuriated Bobo. He turned Mandingo into a bag of ketchup, and knocked him out in the fifth round.

Nearly dead Mandingo

We will bring you more news of Juan Bobo’s ring career…but for the moment, no one wants to fight the Bobo.

The Juan Bobo School of Government Reform

The Juan Bobo School

of Government Reform

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Juan Bobo has opened a new school which uses all the latest tools of educational reform.

It is a school for politicians, which helps them to do their jobs.

Bobo uses smart boards, interactive video, computer distance learning…but so far, the most successful methods are rather old-fashioned.  

JUAN BOBO’S Old-fashioned teaching TOOLS

Apparently, physical torture is the best way to get politicians to do their job, and to stop stealing from the people who elected them.

“The bastinado is my favorite,” says Bobo. “When they’re hanging upside down, they start to get real cooperative.”

Here is Juan Bobo teaching a congressman to take his mistress off the government payroll: 

 

Juan Bobo is a true government reformer, and we heartily agree with his methods.

Juan Bobo Einstein

Juan Bobo Einstein 

NEW YORK CITY – The McCarthur Foundation has just conferred a genius grant on Juan Bobo.

For the next three years, he won’t have to do anything except lie around the house, and think up some stupid shit.

This is pretty much what he’s been doing all his life, except now he’ll get paid for it.

Officially a genius

Though still in hiding from the FBI, Mr. Bobo was able to communicate through a confidential source in East Harlem.

“I am happy to receive this grant,” he said. “And like all the other geniuses, I am honored to lie around the house, collect my grant money, and do nothing.”

Juan Bobo Spotted in Arecibo

Juan Bobo Spotted in Arecibo

ARECIBO, PR  –  Juan Bobo has been spotted by the largest radio telescope in the world in Arecibo, Puerto Rico.

Actually, Bobo was spotted in the telescope.

His image was nearly 2,000 feet long and visible from outer space.

Juan Bobo as seen from outer space

The CIA responded immediately and arrested every scientist in Arecibo.

The scientists were arrested

We demand an investigation into these arrests.

The CIA is trying to eliminate every Puerto Rican scientist, and using Juan Bobo as an excuse.